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Couples
and Money -- Commentary #2
Commitment and Understanding
As a financial consultant, I use a basic three-step process
to help couples change their unproductive—and sometimes hurtful
couple communication.
Step #1 is the simplest step in this process of change and
for some of you, it will be the hardest. I call it the commitment
step. Make a commitment with your partner that says, “We have
decided we are going to work together and manage our money
life differently.” Or, “I am making a commitment with you
to make our money life work even when we differ—even
when it gets hard.”
If you already have a commitment, this step seems simplistic.
For those of you who don't have a commitment, this step may
seem too difficult. Either way, if you want to change your
unproductive couple communication model, the first step is
commitment. Commitment says, “No matter what, we will.”
Step # 2 in this three-step process is an understanding step.
This is the step where you as a couple come to grips with
your beliefs about money—your attitudes—and how you are
different from each other.
How would you answer the following questions?
- How
much should be spent on a new golf bag?
- How
much should be spent on a computer?
- How
much should we have in savings?
- How
much debt is too much?
- How
much should be spent on a pair of jeans for our 15 year
old?
Now that
you each have answered these five questions individually,
take some time as a couple to sit down together and discuss
how you each answered them. How different are you in your
saving and spending beliefs? Make a list of your differences.
Then talk together about the problems these differences have
caused in your relationship.
If you understand that you are different from each other and
that you have a commitment to work together, you can respectfully
find the middle ground that is needed to make productive money
decisions.
Respect for yourself and your partner is essential
for making money decisions and changing your money life. Understanding
is needed to build this respect between the two of you.
The next
commentary will cover the 3 rd Step in couple communication.
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