Couples and Money -- Commentary #3

           Changing unproductive and sometimes hurtful couple communication is a three-step process. The last “Tip of the Month” covered the first two steps. Step 1 --commitment --and Step 2-- understanding.   The third step is Action.

           The action step needs to start with a plan.  

           Who are we?   What do we want?   Where are we going?          

           You learned in the second step that you are different from each other and have different ideas about spending and saving. And in Step 1, you made a commitment to understand these differences and to respect each other even when you do differ.  

           As a couple, you will want to decide what your financial goals are. Financial goals are the trip-tiks of life. These trip-tiks create a common route to get to where you say you want to go.

           Many of the couples I work with haven't decided-- together-- their common goals.   One may have the perception that they are going to Boston and the other thinks they are going to San Francisco. One may think they, as a couple, are working to better their lifestyle--today--and the other thinks they are working to provide a good retirement—in the future. So one is out looking at houses and the other is talking with investment advisors. Sound familiar?  

           Not having financial goals -- not knowing where you're going-- is financially paralyzing.   That's why when you looked in the mirror this morning and saw the gray hairs, you may have felt frustrated because you thought you'd be financially farther in your life than you are.

           If you want to get to where you choose to be in your financial life, you will want to get clear about where you're going and how you're going to get there.

           As a couple, take some time to sit down and write out -- Where do we want to be-- and how will we get there-- 1 year from now, -- then 5 years from now, and 20 years from now.......  

           Work together. Adjust. Compromise. Be flexible.  

           Remember, you have already made a commitment to work together. Decide and then write out the plan -- the map-- of how you will get there. Decide how you will make your financial goals really work.